I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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