Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
