I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
