..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
