I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
