using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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