Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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