Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
