is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
