This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
