Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
