Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
