ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
