'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so let's talk penis.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
