Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
