Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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