I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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