Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
