Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
