i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
