I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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