My first STD was from a foam party
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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