She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
