Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
