It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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