Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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