He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
