This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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