so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I need water and some morals
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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