Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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