I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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