Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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