my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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