Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
