I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Are my feet made of real feet?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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