I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
