I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
