I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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