apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
