I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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