If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
