Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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