I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
