just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
