the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
