My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
