i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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