I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
