I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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