At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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